rumination
haha!..
look what ive created way back then.. say I am really trying to re affirm myself that I do luv my butter belly ( humm i guess i'm feeling overwhelmed by the love my belly butter gave me that time that I'm inspired to wrote this for him..)
in tribute to my One and only ever reliable and dependable Butter Belly:
here it goes..
2000, the year when I had my first relationship, to someone I admit barely know. Yes, we have met in the Church, know him thru the missionaries, being introduced by my closest friends, and approved by my sister and cousins. I might say that these were not on a love at first sight thing; I may be jaunty thinking I am old enough (really) to have someone whom I can call my Boyfriend? I was 22 then. The age I let myself slip on a man-woman relationship thingy. I jumped off with my one eye closed. I just want to experience the difference from being single to single-attach might they say. At first, its remarkable, we attended every Single Adult activity in the church, work with the missionaries, hike, we are simply unseparable. We shared same plans, we build our own goals, how to achieve them, and it seems easy back then. He will work; try to provide means to start for a family. We both introduced ourselves to our own family, I do remember the time when his mom told him, I am not the same girl he usually present to his family and he better take care of me. The message underlie those words does not sink on me until the time we part ways and he left me. He oftentimes said that if ever we part ways, I’m the one who will not cry, for he feels I’m too strong, not the usual woman who gripe and sob to death just for being left by his man who promised to love her forever. I gave my best to the relationship we have, I did not complain, I did not expect anything, I did not pressure him to do anything just to please me, understanding him and supporting him on his plans and goals in life. I sacrificed so much of myself just to make sure he is all right, we are all right., but still, He left me. I do not know where I lacked, I dared not to ask, for I know God has its own plans. That God works mysteriously in His own way, that when we submit to his will, He will do his part. Emotionally, I become strong as ever before. I have come to realize many things. I learned that love if one sided is not enough to make both people happy. Love always begets love, and if love given is not reciprocated, it will swing back tomorrow tenfold.
As I looked back, I know Ive been into breakup and it scares me before from falling in love again, feelings of being in love is just hard to remember than feelings having felt out of love and left to mend a broken heart. But as I remember how great and wonderful being in love feels, Im glad that I had previously broken up with somebody so that I can fall in love all over again, with Someone who could also love me for the rest of my life.
Now, I am not forced to deal with misery all by myself, There is someone who is physically present to comfort me, talk to or share the pain with.
One who is always around who really understand how I feel.. giving me hope when hope was elusive..
I maybe loved that man more than my life, and after doing so, even giving all of my best, still left me, I know it’s time to move on and find another one. No one teaches a bird to fly, no one teaches a fish to swim, they just do. No one teaches me and can teach me whom to love, I just do, and if time comes that this will happen again, I’ll just move on and forget that once I did fall in love. I am human that needed love too, if the love I have though real and true will not be reciprocated, then it will not sustain. Real fulfillment and happiness is to give love and to receive love. The giver feel a sense of fulfillment, the receiver will feel a sense of joy and vice versa…I have no regret or hard feelings towards the one who broke my heart , I feel blessed that I had given him my love, freely, unselfishly… He have his choices and the right to choose. I have my sense of self-worth though, I died once because of love..
Now that Im with a man who will love a woman(me) so true, so firm, and so real. This is the result of myself moving on, hoping that someone, sometime, somehow, somewhere in some ways I will find that one I will spend my Life with. Now I understand that its too scary to plunge into a force relationship, I mean a relationship that is shallow, and love is not enough to sustain it. There will be a tendency to look for the one that I really love, someone that will inspire to make the most of myself. People go into relationship because they are in love…today...but how about forever. I always believe that if both the man and the woman love each other, they will accept each other’s differences, there will be reception of weaknesses and failures, and there will be understanding and resolution to work out for each weakness with both faith and love and hope. Then the journey maybe rough and tough, but with someone you truly love and who love you too, all will be well, all is well!
Yeah, I know..I know, with my Butter Belly and Him above, all will be well, all is well!
